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Actual Letters
Date:
Thu, 26 Oct 1995 16:19:30 -0400
From:
Nicole L
Subject:
Response to your letter to the Bucknellian
Let me introduce myself. . . My name is
Nicole
L and I am a first
grade
teacher as well as a graduate student in education at Seton Hall
University. I graduated from Bucknell last
May which
makes me a part of the
Class of 1995. While at Bucknell, I was
partly apathetic, but I cannot stand
by and listen the crap you wrote in the latest edition of the
Bucknellian.
Obviously,
being a measly sophomoric idiot has blurred the fact that you
would
not be where you are today without the teachers who helped you get
there. And you state that anyone can
do a teacher's job. I would love
for you to try to teach a class of screaming kindergarteners for just
ONE
day. You would NOT make it.
I guarantee it-- In fact, I would bet a million
dollars on it.
So many
people think that teaching, especially in the younger grades, is a joke. How hard can it be to play with blocks and
put up bulletin boards?
These
people fail to realize the work and planning that goes into each and
every lesson that is prepared. I love
to listen to some of my former classmates
and friends who are now big "businessmen" whine and complain
that they have a stressful presentation that they have to prepare
and that they need a personal day to recover after doing it. I tell them
that I must give about 10-20 presentations daily and have little to no
time to
prepare or recover. Some of my
presentations are actually spontaneous.
I
wanted to respond to you directly because there is no need to belittle
you in
front of your bucknell peers. Basically, I
feel that you are an ass and I
could not say that in my letter to the editor. I
hope you realize that without
us teachers in the world, the likes of you would not have the skill to
write an asinine letter as you did. Maybe
we should give up teaching the
jerks like you, but I personally don't know how to weed them out in 1st
grade.
Anyway,
before you make any more comments like the ones you made, i want
you to get into your Range Rover or BMW and drive to Milton Elementary,
ask for Mr. Longenburger and tell him your position.
I'm sure he
would be happier than enyone to allow you to take over a primary level
class for a day to see if you can handle it. I
KNOW you can't.
With
Hate,
Nicole
L, '95
Sussex,
NJ
Date:
Thu, 09 Nov 1995 16:02:50 -0500
From:
Nicole L
Subject:
Hey loser-- WAKE UP!!!!!
What's
your problem? Too busy picking your
nose with all your nerd
friends?? Why don't you respond to the
message I sent
2 weeks ago??
YOU &*%^$&*
WIMP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
***
Date: Fri, 19 Apr 1996 16:03:51 -0400
WELL, it's wonderful that you don't support alternative lifestyles... I
guess that means you don't support aliens like yourself either.
Considering
that you have absolutely no right to categorize anyone or anything as
alternative given your mediocre station in life, I would suggest you
reevaluate your ideas
about humanity. To spread venom in the way that you do for no other
reason
than to incite people and gleefully laugh at their reactions is
abominable. This world would be a lot brighter without the likes of
you.
We're all waiting for you to come out of the closet.
Date: Fri, 19 Apr 1996 17:09:23 -0400 (EDT)
Well, if there was ever a day for supporting ignorance, elitism, and
discrimination, I am sure you'd be the first to celebrate it, because
you'd be celebrating yourself! [Well, two out of three. --MM]
Date: Fri, 19 Apr 1996 22:23:05 -0700
From: Your Worst Enemy
hey shit head, keep your opinions to yourself. just because you are a
fuckin biggot natzi doesn't mean anyone else gives a shit. so fuck you
and die. being
gay doesn't make you deserve to be treated different. so fuckin' shut
your
hick biggot mouth and grow up.
Signed, a student of the 90's.
And no, I'm not gay, but I am human you should try it sometime.
Date: Sun, 21 Apr 1996 16:37:35 -0400 (EDT)
Mike, you are an asshole -- your father should have used a condom --
your family has my pity.
***
Date: Tue, 12 Oct 1999 15:43:24 -0400
for a long time i had the power to withstand whatever way you felt fit
to deal with me...and for a long time (despite your few moments of
sincerity), that method was what i would characterize as aggressive-
passive. you seem to communicate, with me especially,
through a familial cruelty, possibly intended to make me feel like you
trust me enough to take it well, or whatever. i'm not so much
interested in detangling your social techniques.
but now that i no longer have that shield against you, behind which
your barbs cannot possibly affect me, they fucking sting like hell. you
should not expect ANYone to tolerate the way you act with me, and i am
angry with myself for accepting it for so long. but, just as we
discussed a few times before, i can't accept it anymore. life is too
damned short for me to spend my time with someone who talks to me like
he is _constantly_ out to get me. i don't have fun with you when you're
insulting me. it's not fun at all.
to my credit (or not), i really do a good job of not insulting you in
return. i don't even criticise you that much, because i trust that you
have the innate ability to scrutinize your own actions. _however_,
witnessing the utter carelessness (and thoughtlessness) with which you
see fit to deal with possibly your closest friend [sic], has caused me
to...well, as far as trusting you, not so much.
i am not a weak person, nor would i even bother communicating with you
if i felt i was sincerely weak, because i know you are unbending in
your views on this. but don't confuse "weakness" with a "lack of
superfuckinghuman strength", which i am, after long last, entirely
without.
in addition, don't confuse [being a] nursemaid with "showing a degree
of concern towards someone who (supposedly, or is supposed to) mean
something to you". i don't need you to coddle me while i cry on your
shoulder. i don't trust you with my most personal emotions (as you can
no doubt imagine), but even so, i can cry to someone else if i really
need to. but i cannot be around you if you are incapable of treating me
with respect (which you don't), or treating me like i am important to
you in the slightest (again, a zero in the boxscore). you admitted to
me freely that i should let you know if i don't like the way you are
treating me. well, i'm calling that in bigtime.
of course, my secret hope (and the hope which fueled my earlier email)
is that you would take this as an opportunity to experience what the
rest of the world feels...which is to say, warmth, sensitivity and
instinctive fondness. i used to think that you were "above" all people,
in a way similar to rand. but now, i see you simply as someone who has
never loved anyone in his life, and indeed has never experienced any of
the emotions associated with this sort of love. as someone who has a
nice chunk of experience with women, i can suggest that at your going
rate, you are going to encounter a lot more [failed relationships].
women don't want a machine michael, they don't just want a brain. they
crave the capacity for emotion, which right now is an area where you
have a serious handicap. what makes this all the more illuminating to
me is the fact that, by all standards, all of the terrible news you
rattled off to me should affect me in some way, or at least make me try
to appreciate what you have to go through in dealing with these things.
but instead, i find myself laughing inwardly and saying "well, good",
because you are so damned nasty to me, and you don't care about me the
way i care about you. you don't care about _any_one the way they care
about you. what sort of life do you think you're approaching? i
honestly wonder what you think about this.
i still want to see duran duran though, if acceptable. time/place?
Date: Tue, 12 Oct 1999 17:09:33 –0400
ok so, is it me, or did you totally just leave me in the dark about
duran duran, in essence excluding me? tried callin [mr. x], he ain't
home, and you've left work already. thanks, enjoy the show.
***
Date: Mon, 14 Aug 2000 16:54:55 GMT
Mike,
I know that this my seem strange coming from me so late in the game,
but I ask that you bare with me. Last night's narrative was somewhat
shocking to me, and upon hearing how you spent your time at the party I
was unsure about how I really felt about it. It definitely left a
bitter taste in my
mouth, though. And I wanted to make sure that I had a chance to sort
out exactly what it was that was bothering me about it. Now that I
have, here goes:
Mike, I really don't know what to think of you anymore. You do things
that just don't make sense to me. Sometimes, you even do things that
appall me. We've known each other for a long time now, and I've always
felt you've been a good and true friend to me, despite past second-hand
accounts and even some first-hand observations of you being callous,
conniving and cruel to others. But even having seen that side of you, I
never would have thought that you could be capable of acting in that
way towards me; I never thought that you would deliberately try to hurt
me, or that you would casually disregard my feelings. I thought that my
friendship had earned that
much.
But in recent months you've done a lot to change that perception. I
honestly don't know if this has been intentional on your part, or if
you've been acting out on some unconscious resentment you have towards
me, but I feel that I have had plenty of reason to believe that I've
been on the receiving end of a passive-agressive attack on your part.
And it's going to stop right now.
If you're sitting back in your seat right now, saying "What the fuck is
he talking about," I'd be glad to refresh your memory. Let's talk about
the '70's Porn Party, shall we? It wasn't bad enough for you that I was
one of only 7 out of 45 people who were at that party who came in
costume, and that I felt like a total schmuck about it. Apparently,
that wasn't embarassing enough for you. You had to wait until I was
actually having fun and meeting people anyway, so you could jump right
in and start fucking things up for me. You had to wait until I had
attracted the attention of a cute girl so you could jump between us and
utter just about the fucking stupidest sentence anyone has ever spoken,
"Let me tell you about the time I killed my parents." Things were going
pretty damn well before you got there, Mike, but as soon as you said
the magic words she took off like like the goddamn Space Shuttle
Discovery. You've already said that it was because you were high and
drunk, but there's really no excuse- I've been high and drunk and I've
never felt compelled to do something like that. [So high and drunk that
I started eating goldfish food. --MM] And besides, you never even
apologized for it so forgive me if I doubt your sincerity. Thanks,
Mike. Your sense of comraderie is truly admirable.
We can tie this up neatly with recent events. You were good enough to
tell me at your party that L___ had a boyfriend and that I shouldn't
waste my time, but only after I had made an ass of myself by hitting on
her right in front of him. I don't blame you for what happened that
night. What I do blame you for is hooking up with her at my birthday
party. You saw that I was talking to L___ on Saturday night after I
had found out that she and her boyfriend weren't together any longer.
Everyone did. You knew from what I had told you at your party that I
was interested in her. A good friend would have cheered me on. But, you
chose the unorthodox option of putting your tongue in her mouth in a
booth while I wasn't around. Real classy, Mike. To be honest, I really
don't give a shit about her- any girl who would lead me on while
messing around with you just isn't worth my time anyway. What angers me
is the complete lack of judgment you showed. All you had to do was tell
me that you were interested in her. [In his defense, he didn't know
that she had told me that she was quite uninterested in him. --MM] But
I don't think you really even were-
you said yourself that you didn't even find her attractive. But you
made me look like a fucking jackass at my own party anyway. Thanks a
bunch, friend.
Are you picking up a trend here, Malice? Is it really necessary that
you make me sorry for inviting you to come out and have fun? There's a
concept in the world of singlehood known as "the Wingman" that was
popularized by the movie Top Gun in the '80's. Maybe you're familiar
with it- judging by the way you behave, I'll assume you're not, so
here's how it works:
Two male friends are chilling at a bar, when Friend #1 sees a woman
(call her Woman #1) he's interested in. But she's with a friend (Woman
#2), so Friend #1 can't just walk over there and start hitting on her.
So, he says to Friend #2, "Be my Wingman?" Friend #2 agrees. The two
friends then walk over to the women and strike up conversation. The
duty of Friend #2 (the Wingman) is to run interference for Friend #1-
he must chat up Woman #2 so that Friend #1 can talk to Woman #1. This
is what friends do for each other.
You, on the other hand are like a fucking Soviet MIG. You're a goddamn
bogey, Mike- I need to have a Wingman nearby to run interference on
YOU, so I can prevent horribly embarrassing things from happening to
me. With friends like these... ah, you know the rest.
I don't know if you just don't realize the effects that the fucked up
shit that you do has on other people, or if you do it purposely, but I
really don't even care at this point. What I do know is I will not be
victimized by this grade school bullshit again. I don't deserve to be
treated like this and I won't stand for it- if you want someone to be
your bitch, you can talk to [the person who wrote the prior letter].
You've been acting crazy for months now, Mike. It's obvious to me that
something's bothering you. I actually used to worry about you. Now I'm
just incensed that you've chosen to take out whatever problem you're
having on me. If my friendship has meant anything to you, you'll start
behaving like a member of the human race. If not, I want there to be no
misunderstandings between us- if you EVER humiliate me like this again,
I WILL SMASH YOUR FUCKING FACE IN.
XOXOXO,
J____
***
Date: Tue, Apr 08, 2003 12:32 pm
Dear Michael,
I was complimented when you first put [my site] in your "What I'm
Linking To" section, and was a long time when I was proud to be atop
your list of links. Now that you've become more forthright in using
your Weblog to slam disabled people, blacks, and other groups, I no
longer wish to be associated with it. I can tolerate a certain amount
of offensiveness in the name of satire and free speech, but your latest
volley seems particularly mean-spirited. Because of this, I ask that
you please remove my Weblog from your links section, as soon as
possible. Thank you.
Best,
R____
To: R_____
just out of curiousity...do you not want to be associated with _me_ or
just the site? will update this afternoon...
From: R____
Just the site. If you ever want to discuss these things one-on-one, I
will. I do have a problem with getting together with social groups that
you're part of, but only because I don't want to cater to your desire
to surround yourself solely with healthy, attractive white people.
Maybe sometime I'll show up with a cane and a fake scar. [The
preceding, incidentally, is a fine example of what is known as dramatic
irony. --MM] Anyway, thanks
for making the change.
To: R_____
i'm surprised you think i'm racist. interesting.
From: R____
I don't know if you're racist, but you have expressed the desire not to
be around people who are blind and don't cover their disability. And if
you're not a racist, you nonetheless allow yourself to appear to be one
on your site.
To: R_____
i don't appear as a racist on my site. that's a part i played in an
off-broadway play.
posted by Michael Malice at 8:30 PM
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